I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
