Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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