I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
