put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
