How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There r osticjed everywhere
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
