just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
