Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
