You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
