it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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