So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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