She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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