We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
