Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
