I got chris browned last night
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he puts the penis in happiness.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
