Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
