I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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