Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
