That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
