weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
