my phone needs a breathalizer
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
