She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
