brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
