Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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