Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
