If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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