or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
