Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
