I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
