i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
