Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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