Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
