I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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