umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
