he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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