Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
