Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
