I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
