Pants 0. Shit 1.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
