What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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