but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
