dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
