He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
