Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
