I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
