My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
