Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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