worst night to have a conscience
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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