new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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