U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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