can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
