Can i not drive my cunt home
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
