I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
