false alarm. still invincible.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
